Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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