i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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