Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
