you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
