Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
