I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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