I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
