Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
