READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
