jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
