I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found the puke drawer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
