I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
