I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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