your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
