NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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