Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
