I think i peed on brittanys purse
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize