That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
