How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
