I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
