Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
