If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
