I think I am morally bankrupt
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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