I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
