This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
