Jerry, you need to find god
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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