Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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