I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
