I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
