God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've changed since you got that strap on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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