just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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