chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
