why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
