Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
