Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
