I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dicks are not precious.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
