Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
