just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
