look no pants
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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