When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
