she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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