My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
