Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Couch. On fire.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize