I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
