I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
