who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
