I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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