Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize