She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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