FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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