i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
