I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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