Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
