I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
