a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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