Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
