im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
