he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
