dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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