We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
