i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I forget how to act sober
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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