fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
