You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
