that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
