I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
