worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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