You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
