we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
