Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
