Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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