I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
