I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
