oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
